Tuesday 10/5/10

OKay, so I have been pretty frustrated lately. I actually got on the scale this morning and was up over 2 lbs! I got really really frustrated. Here I am busting my ass everyday and I can't lose a pound! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I know what everyone is going to tell me, everybody hits a plateau. I know this. It just doesn't make it any better. I know that I can only keep going, which I am and will do. It just doesn't make it any better at the moment. I have figured out that I am becoming addicted to the pain of working out. I like to feel my muscles sore. I like knowing I have pushed myself. But GEEZZZ, come on weight, work with me a little here!

Tuesday...

So I went to the gym and worked out again today on my own. I am so glad Jerod is back and we work out tomorrow! I hate doing all cardio all the time. I get really bored with it and he understands that. I think I am very fortunate to find someone that truely cares and I am just not a time slot at the gym.
I did hit 245 today. I don't think I am going to hit 240 by Friday. It will take some kind of miracle. But that is okay. I am doing this. Who wouldn't want more? I have to remind myself when I get frustrated that this is not a sprint, it is a marathon. I am in it for the long haul.

Monday 9/27/10

Okay, so I was very slack last week posting on here. So my goal is to be 240 by Friday. I have had a hell of a time trying to acheive that. I have been busting my ass and doing cardio every day, but the scale just keeps staying the same or going up. This is probably the most frustrated I have been lately. Jerod, my trainer, returns from NY tonight. Thank goodness. I have worked out on my own Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and I will go this afternoon. I get so bored doing just cardio! We do measurements again on Friday. I will write a little more later. This Monday is so hard for me! I am dragging ass!!

Friday 9-10-10

Okay so the last day has really sucked! My car broke down, I had to get a friend to pick me up at 2am Wednesday night. Then I had to get someone to take me to meet the tow truck to get my car towed. The computer, intake gasket, and battery had to be replaced in my car. What a really sucky time. I first got a call saying it was $1200. Then when I told them I was going to check around for quotes, they called back saying that the computer would be covered uder warranty. Now the total was $390.00. What crock! It was like they wanted to see if I would go ahead and pay for it first. It still ended up setting me back $500. I figured since I just hit 90,000 miles I better go ahead and have my tires rotated, balanced, oil change and all that good stuff. Then I get in my car this morning and no headlights! I only have brights! Great! I get to the gym and I have gained a pound!!! Really!!! Wonderful! I am not someone who cries. It is just not me. However, I felt like I could just sit down and cry this morning. I think there was just so many things hitting me at one time that I was feeling so overwhelmed. Then Jerod told me I wasn't trying this morning working out; which I guess I wasn't. I am just having one of those mornings. I remember something that I read on a shirt....if it was easy, everyone would do it. How freaking true is that?!?! SO I told myself to suck it up and deal with it. It will get better. Okay...I better get to work since I missed being in the office yesterday. I have lots to do.

Wednesday 9/8/10

Last night sucked!!! I decided to work out yesterday afternoon. All cardio. Wonderful. That is just what I love. A complete hour on the treadmill and ellipitical. Woo-hoo. I guess you can tell how excited I was about it. However, I did burn like 590 or 595 calories in 30 minutes on the ellipitcal. It really really sucked though! Last night, I so wanted to call and say I was not working out this morning. I just couldn't bring myself to do it though. I felt like I was mad at my trainer for making me do all cardio. But that just doesn't make sense. I would never have went that long if it wasn't for him. I think this whole experience, losing weight and working out, is making me take a deeper look at myself. It is kind of like that old saying, if you do the same thing day in and day out, you are going to get the same results. I find myself changing physically, but also mentally. Sometimes, it is a lot to take in. I know that sounds crazy, but it is. Sometimes, I think to myself to just suck it up and deal with it. (I complain a lot while working out). I have all the respect in the world for my trainer for putting up with me. I would have completed the treadmill and been finished and on my way. I get surprised all the time by exactly what I am capable of. It doesn't mean I like it. I may come across as pouting and whining, but I will normally do my best to do what I have to do. I will be 255 by the end of the week!

Tuesday 9/7/10

Whew....I had a great weekend! I went to the beach with Sarah and Abigail. I am not too keen on seeing sharks in the ocean, but I did get the sun therapy I needed! I excersised everyday at the beach plus ate so good! However, and that is a BIG however, I only lost 1/2 pound!!!!! ERRRRRR....It is okay though....I bought a pair of jeans 4 sizes smaller than before the surgery. I think I bought the jeans just because of the size honestly. Plus, I can now wear things at Old Navy again!! Woo-hoo!! I really want to be 255 by the end of the week.

Friday 9/3/10

Woo-hoo!! We did measurement today. I lost 12 1/2 inches. That is a total of 29 inches in the past month. I am really proud of myself. One thing I can is this, the surgery motivated me, but I truly am working hard as hell to lose every inch and pound! I also met my goal of getting into the 250's today!! 259.7. At 255, that will be 50 lbs!! I am hoping to hit that by the time I get back on Tuesday. I am pretty excited. To be able to really start seeing the difference the workouts are making is awesome. There is a skinny person in me ready to come out and kick butt! :-)
I am heading to lunch with a good friend who is moving to Houston soon! I am going to miss my poker buddy! :-( We will party it up next Friday before you leave! After lunch, then Sarah, Abigail, and me are headed to Myrtle Beach! I need some sun therapy!

Where is my weekend.....

I am so ready for this long weekend! Where oh where is Friday noon???????????????????????????????????

Crazy Week

This week has just been crazy. We have been a little shorthanded at the office. Anytime we are shorthanded it seems like my work triples. I have also worked out everyday this week so far with the trainer. I am trying like hell to get into the 250's this week. I am 0.9 away from that goal. This morning I was 260.9. When I get to 255, that will be 50 lbs; which is my first real goal! I had said that at 50 lbs that I was going to go out to Vegas. However, I have been out there so many times that is not a good goal for me. So I changed it. I am getting another tattoo. It is pretty cool. I will post a pic when I get it. When I reach 100 lbs, I am going skydiving! Now that is one goal I am ready to hit! I have been so slack about writing down what I eat this week. I got out of the habit of it just from leaving my book at the office. I am really working on that today. Last night was the first night in a long time that I got a good nights sleep. Now it was with the help of Tylenol PM, but I was not up 4 or 5 times checking email or tossing & turning. I actually woke up to the alarm clock. I have been so worried about not hearing the alarm in the mornings that I don't think I ever fully go to sleep. I know, I am a weird individual.
I made my reservations for the beach! Woo-hoo! I am ready for some relaxation and some sun therapy. I did make sure that they had a good fitness room. My trainer said good, you can work out an hour in the morning and an hour in the evenings. Damn it! I know I can do it at least once a day. We will see.

Monday....

Monday morning already! I feel really good when I go work out. Plus I was introduced to this new preworkout drink.....oh yeah! I did kind of crappy this weekend. I was sore on Saturday and didn't really work out much at all this weekend. I lost 1 1/2 lbs this weekend. I didn't eat as near as much food as I was supposed to. I have figured out I have to have structure. I write down what I eat every day and what time I eat. I left my book at work. Once I fall out of a routine, it really screws me up. I have got to work on that!
I went out to Badfish Friday night. There was this really cute man there. I found out he has played before; I just had not met him. I kept trying to see if he had on a wedding band. When he finally came over and introduced himself...lol..yep there was the band. We did end up having a good time though. We laughed and cut up until the end of the 2nd game. I even did a couple shots of vodka. It didn't take much for me to feel it. Saturday I slept in some. When I got up, I threw some clothes in a bag and drove down to Wrightsville Beach. It was actually pretty awesome. I got a room on the ocean right next door to the restaurant and bar. They had live music and it sounded pretty close to Hootie! Loved it!! I bought a book and stayed out on the beach Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning! There is just something soothing about the ocean.
I tried advocado for the first time yesterday. It was on my turkey wrap. I am still not sure if I like it or not yet. It just kind of blended in with the wrap. It was like 11pm before I went to bed. I have got to figure something out about this sleep thing. When I do go to sleep, I am always so worried about oversleeping (up at 4:30am) that I don't think I ever really get fully asleep. The thing is, it is not like I have ever overslept and missed an appointment. Through the week, I do try to be in bed by 9pm, but it is hard. I leave the office usually around 5pm, get home about 5:35pm, work out for an hour, fix dinner, and then there is the night gone.
I get to work this morning and find out that our bookkeeper came in and quit this morning. WTF. Her last day was supposed to be Friday. I have another person whose last day is tomorrow from our Columbia office. I already have most of her duties falling on me. Now, I have to do the accountting as well!! Fuck me! So yes, I figured before I get too wrapped up in work, I would write an entry and drink my coffee. Might as well start the morning off right! :-) Clay, my COO, keeps saying we have a plan.....as long as that may include me only having one job instead of four, I may like it. Oh great....a shipment is fucked up.....got to go....

Friday....

Wow...I just did something a little difficult...I shared my blog link with some people I know; not everyone I know. One day I will just post it on Facebook for anyone to read, I just don't think I am quite ready for that yet. Although I am a pretty open person. I guess everyone though is a little sensitive about their weight. As you can tell by the followers, I have not been sharing very much. I have to say that I just started this blogging thing this week and I really like it. I can vent, I can give myself a pat on the back, I can pretty much say whatever...lol Happy Friday everyone!!

Friday 8-27-2010

Good morning! I feel pretty awesome today! I had a great workout. I have to say that I really like kicking and boxing more than anything else. You just put a face on the kicking bag and there you go. Perfect stress release.
I feel kind of bad for something yesterday. Most of the people that know me know that I am one of the most open minded people around. I try not to be judgemental towards people. This guy I talked to some in the past emailed me on collarme. com. Oh yeah....another side to me...lol. I tend to like the D/s lifestyle. Don't ask me to justify and please don't try to give me advice about it, we all like what we like. But anyway, he was actually being nice and just asking about how things was going. I immediately associated him with the drama he brought with him in the past and told him so. I then went back and read his profile where he admitted to making a lot of mistakes in the past. That got me thinking. We all make mistakes and do things we are not proud of. I have many things that I don't care to admit to. I need to work on trying not to immediately judge people. Everyone has a story.
Oh and get this....I am wearing a dress 2 sizes smaller than others hanging in my closet and it is a little loose! I had a lady (damn I can't remember her name, I am telling you, the mind is going!) stop me out in front of my apartment last night when I was coming in from working out. She told me she has seen me working out for the last month and asked about my progress. She told me that I should be really proud of myself and how awesome I am doing. I am proud of myself. It is taking a lot for me to realize that I deserve to be proud of myself. Jay, my trainer, had a shirt on this morning that said "if it was easy, everyone would do it". How true is that!! Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go, but I have a lot to be proud of so far.
I think I may head down to the beach tomorrow. I am still trying to decide. I need to get my oil changed first though. Maybe I can do that today. I am also thinking about heading to the beach next weekend with my bff. We need a girls weekend! Just laying on the beach, reading a book, listening to music.....ahhhh, I am ready!
I still can't believe that Abigail started school today! She is growing up so fast. I can't wait for her to talk to her when she gets out so she can tell me all about it! :-)
Off to work.....

Thursday Aug 26 2010--2

I feel great. Compared to what I felt like even 3 months ago, it is just amazing! Not smoking and working out is just having a really awesome affect on me. I do still feel really guilty about not working out this morning, but I will be working out this afternoon. I may just go to the park when I get off. I love working out there.

Thursday Aug 26 2010

Okay, so I feel like crap today. I didn't work out this morning! Jay told me yesterday to burn 400 calories in the morning and 400 in the afternoon. I think I kind of overwhelmed myself thinking about that many calories to burn. Plus, I think I just wanted to sleep this morning. I can tell a huge difference in how I feel though. I am not as happy and I don't have near as much energy as on the mornings I work out. I am just going to have to make myself get up. I knew I was kind of iffy on working out last night. I ended up staying up later then what I normally do. I kind of sabatoged myself.
Kaitlyn, Sarah's oldest daughter, started 5th grade today and Abigail starts school tomorrow. That makes me feel old. I don't like it that they are growing up!! I think it is a combination of them growing up means I am getting older. I just don't like it. It seems like only yesterday that Abigail was born and now here it is 5 years later.
I got on the scale at home this morning. Which my scale is usually a pound off from the gym. It was I think 262.8. I think. Damn it....my memory is going. I need some of that memory herbs that you can get from the health store. See, I can't even remember the name of it!

Oh well...I guess I will work out extra hard this afternoon! I just have got to get my mind into it. I do so much better when I work out with my trainer.

Wednesday 8/25/10

Today has been a good day so far. I lost another 1 1/2 lbs! I can deal with dropping a pound a day! :-) However, I feel like I am eating all the time! I never thought I would say this, but I get so tired of eating!! I now don't have a normal lunch bag, I have a cooler! I think I could fit a 24 pack of drinks in it.
I am also starting to tell some different things at the gym. I didn't sweat as much today. As gross as it may sound, being fat, you sweat. We did arms and chest today. It is weird because in the gym, my arms will start to feel like jelly and I just know that they will be sore later on. However, they don't ever seem to get sore. Friday will be legs and boxing. I love the boxing. I am not sure if it is just taking out any frustrations or what, but I sure do like it.
I also think I may be going a little crazy. I got my key back from Jason a week ago. However, little things keep changing in my apartment that is just weird. I have 3 fish missing (Jason always helped with my saltwater aquarium). Now, it would not be unusual for a fish to die and the bristle worms eat the fish in a night, but 3?!? Then last night, my phone charger was not where I always keep it plugged in. I always plug my phone in at night beside my bed. I use the alarm on the phone to get up (all 3 of them) to get up every day. But last night, it wasn't there. I slept pretty sucky too. I was scared I wouldn't hear my real alarm clock go off to go work out. I think I will just go ahead and get my locks changed. Maybe I am jus being paranoid.

August 24-Me again

Hmmm.....I may like this blogging thing. Erik, my boss, made me feel really good today. He told me how he could really tell I was losing weight. He also told me that he could tell a difference in my attitude. I do think I am happier. It is weird how weight affects a person. It makes you feel bad which in turn affects everyone around you.

August 24-

Okay...so this is something new for me; a Blog!! However, I am thinking that it may help me to keep from going crazy at times. I am a pretty private person, so it is kind of strange for me to put my thoughts out there for anyone to read. Let me start by giving some background on me...who am I. Well, I am Lynn, a 34 year old female who has a job she loves, a cat whose name was changed from Kitty to Roofus (thanks to my parents). I got divorced when I was 26 or 27, heck I can't remember anymore. This getting older thing is sucking too!! I was married for a little over 5 years. Chad was an awesome guy, we just wanted different things out of life. I was not content to living on the farm the rest of my life. My best friend is Sarah. She knows more about me than any person. We met after I moved to Charlotte at least 7 years ago when I worked in the glass industry. I now work in solar energy. You will typically hear "hello sunshine" coming out of my mouth. I tend to laugh loud and love to cut up and have fun. I love what I do and I love the fact that I am making a contribution to a better world. I work with some amazing people. I am also overweight. I have been pretty much my entire life. I grew up on fried foods and the old say "you are not getting up from the table until you finish what is on your plate" mentality.  I remember being a size 16 in high school! Heck, right now I would love to be a 16! My parents are both overweight. They both are diabetic and both have high blood pressure. Mom has gone through breast cancer.
Well, I decided to go down to Mexico and have the Gastric Vertical Sleeve done. Now, let me say that a week before I went, I also quit smoking. I also quit drinking caffeine. Whew...so many changes going on. Okay back to the surgery...It is so much cheaper in Mexico. No one knew what I was doing except for Sarah. I decided I didn't even want my parents to know. I did tell my boss I was having the surgery, just not that it was in Mexico. The people were awesome there. I would recommend it to anyone! I flew out on a Tuesday, June 22nd and spent the night in San Diego. I met up with the people from the hospital on Wednesday morning and we drove across the border. There was 3 other people having the surgery as well. We did some blood work and I had the surgery that afternoon. It is strange; I wasn't really scared. I was just ready. My starting weight was 305 lbs!!! Oh my God! I almost fell over! 305 lbs! I was just 225 lbs it seemed. Size 26 was getting tight! I stayed in Mexico until Saturday and flew back home. I really felt pretty good considering. The first night after the surgery; well you don't feel your best I guess you could say. The more you move around the better you feel. I sort of relaxed for a couple of days. I worked from home some the next week and then was back at work. Now, I did decide to take my own stitches out, which wasn't the smartest thing. I ended up taking them out too early and 3 of the 5 incision came open. This is actually the first week I have been bandage free! I have 5 scars, but I could care less! I can say that I truely thought that losing weight would be easy after the surgery. You could only eat a small amount of food. I wanted to do this right, so after I could officially exercise, I found a trainer to work with. Yesterday marked the start of the 4th week with Jay. I am at 266 lbs; so I am down 39 lbs since the surgery. In 3 weeks with the trainer, I have lost 16 1/2 inches. Here is the funny part....I lost 9 inches in my boobs!!! What the hell! I am a firm believer that more than a mouth full is a waste. :-) Don't get me wrong, I will take a loss anytime, but I would have liked that off my hips instead. I don't want to end up all hips and ass....even big now I have a flat ass. I can't be a skinny woman with big hips and flat ass! I have gone down 2 sizes in shirts, a cup size in my bras, and 2 sizes in pants. The hardest part of working with a trainer has been getting the diet under control. I have always been taught to diet, you eat less. Well, here is Jay telling me I have to eat more. More protein, less carbs, less sugar, more meals a day. According to Jay, "Just Swallow it". Well I have been told that a few times, but it wasn't food we were talking about at the time. I have found myself so frustrated at times because the weight is not coming off faster. I have to keep reminding myself that I feel so much better. Oh and get this!!! I get up at 4:30am on the mornings I work out!! You are talking about someone who used to stay out until 2-3am every night playing cards, get up at 8am and start over again. Everyone knows I love watching the Panther football games. I couldn't even stay awake for the game Saturday. Here I am snuggled up on the end of the couch with the high school musical blanket (I told you Sarah, love that blanket)! Maybe if it was a more exciting game, I could have stayed awake. That is what I am telling myself anyway. I work out with Jay at least 3 times a week.  By the way, I know I am jumping around quite a bit, but once I get everyone up to speed and blogging every day, maybe it will be a little more organized. Anyway, I work out with Jay at least 3 times a week, sometimes 4. On the days I don't work out with him, I have been exercising on my own usually twice a day. Now there are some days I don't even want to think about going to exercise, but I am scared that if I stop then I will just start a pattern. I am making too many changes right now to take a step backwards. I have to give Jay a lot of credit. He has to put up with me at my worst. It is funny, he thinks I am such a negative person because I am always cussing and giving him these drop dead looks when he tells me that we are working with dumb bells, or to do something with requires some coordination. He may actually be giving me a complex about that! I am like damn, let me smile next time I tell him he is fucking crazy. I was fussing yesterday about not seeing the weight come off fast enough and he made a comment to me. He told me I can quit. Quitting is not even an option for me, but that comment did make me think about things. By the way people, if you don't really know me, I tend to keep my feelings to myself. I consider myself a very strong person. You would never know me and think I am weak. I don't like feeling weak or vulnerable. That V word is pretty hard for me. You will know if I am happy and you will know if I am mad, but most people never know if I am hurt. Maybe in my eyes it is showing weakness; I don't know. And yes, I know, everyone gets hurt. It is just a part of life. I ended something with a special person in my life last week; Jason. Jason has always been there when I needed him. Whether it was meeting me at 1am to give me my key to my place after my purse was stolen to feeding my cat and fish when I am out of town, he has always been someone I could count on. However, I have this bad habit of choosing men who are not good for me. Whether they turn out to be married, which you can ask Sarah, I some how seem to attract married men! Maybe it is because I am pretty open minded, I don't know. I have point blank asked someone if he was married and later found out he lied to me. WTF. So I don't take kindly when people lie to me. Lie to me once, shame on you, lie to me twice, shame on me. Now, I do miss him. I miss Herb at times too, however, I won't ever forget him. I have a tattoo on my ass to remind me of him!  Both are not good for me. So that is another change I am trying to deal with. Damn the sex was good! Okay, so I just took a long pause thinking about the sex. Did I mention that the sex was really good? LOL.
Okay so back to today. I was up at 4:30am, had a great workout. Although at times I think Jay takes it out on me that I make him get up so early. hmmm. I was at work by 8:30am and I am feeling really great today; which is totally opposite of yesterday. Yesterday I was just sort of bummed out I think. Maybe it is all the changes happening and I am not giving myself enough credit. Stopping smoking was huge for me; so was no caffeine. I used to drink 4-5-6 Pepsi's a day. I hated the taste of water. (that has changed a lot). I cut all my hair off (which is really strange. I miss my long hair, but I am glad to see what short hair feels like. I like to have enough hair so that a really good grip....ummm never mind) I am eating so much differently. I use to always say it is just easier to eat out for one person. Now I cook for two and take my lunch. I have even been eating onions and bell peppers! Strange how your taste buds change. Even things at work have changed a bit. We have a new COO. Which him and I didn't get the best start, but he has turned out to be my biggest motivation at work. He told me once that his wife has this saying. "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." I have never been skinny, so I can't relate. However, there will be a day when I can relate and I am sure I will be able to agree. Even now, I look at a glass of wine and think, wow, do you know how long on the ellipitcal it will take to burn you off. That usually kills the urge to cheat. Okay....so that is it for right now. That is a lot of information about me in a pretty short insert. I will be back later.....